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What Does Intimacy Have to Do With Sex?

Over the past year, as I have continually worked with couples to improve their marriages, I have noticed that couples tend to have major differences in their view of what sex should be like in a marriage. Most of the time, couples tend to have a major difference in their desire for sex. As a sex therapist, I am supposed to know how to help couples compromise and figure out how to have a more enjoyable sex life. The problem is, that most of the time, one person is satisfied and the other is not, or both are unsatisfied and don’t know how to make it better, so they avoid the topic altogether.

    Through consulting with other therapist and gathering information from my own attempts to continue education and attend trainings, I am beginning to see the topic differently. Considering one of my previous post that discussed why God created sex, I connected sex within marriages as a way to improve the relationship and create a tight bond between husband and wife. However, relationships can be complicated. It seems as though sex alone cannot make a relationship strong…hmm (sarcasm!) I am sure that anyone reading this article, hopefully, already understood the previous point, but the point above stresses the question, “How then do we create a strong bond?” Or, since this article is not necessarily about how to make a relationship stronger, the question I want to ask is, “How does a couple improve their physical intimacy through emotional intimacy?”
   The answer is simple: Emotional closeness = Physical Closeness = Deeper physical intimacy
   So, to my couples out their that are struggling with the their sexual intimacy, try improving your emotional intimacy. This is simple to say, but can be more complicated to implement. In future posts, I will detail what that looks like, but for now, try it! I can’t guarantee guys you will have more sex. I can’t even guarantee anything will change. However, I can encourage you to try it and see what happens. It can’t hurt to just try. if you have any questions or comments please go to our About Us page and send an email. Also, I would love to hear how it worked for you. Thanks!

Why I Offer Sex Therapy

* Before I start, I won’t to preface this blog post with a clarification. In my practice I do not judge others or push my beliefs on others. Counseling is about helping others reach their stated goals and not working on my goals. However, all people hold beliefs and these beliefs effect how they interact with others. My hope is that I interact with love, hope and understanding..

When a person thinks about sex therapy, I am almost sure that a Hollywood film starts playing in their mind. Sex therapy is mythical to people, conjuring up thoughts of intense emotions and fantasies. Thinking about sex therapy in this way is exactly that, a fantasy.  Sex therapy is far from what you see in Hollywood.  Although, just saying sex therapy can still make a person feel very uncomfortable, which brings me to why I offer sex therapy.

As a sex therapist, I can tell you that those who train others in sex therapy and provide supervision demonstrate a whole new respect for what sex really is. Through these brave souls, I have learned that sex is nothing to be scared of. The culture has made it taboo and negative in connotation. Even talking about sex in public arenas conjures up glancing eyes and awkward avoidance. However, humans are at their simplest, sexual beings. We were created with sexual anatomy. We were formed with intense emotions of love and passion. The problem is not sex; the problem is how the culture perceives sex. The reality is, sex is good when experienced within the proper boundaries of a committed marital relationship.

Thus, I offer sex therapy because when sex is used properly within a committed, loving and passionate relationship, it can be beautiful, intimate and empowering to the individuals involved. I believe sex is God’s gift to married couples to portray the power that two individuals can display when their relationship becomes so intimate that they enhance each other’s qualities and abilities due to pure acceptance and understanding of one another even at the deepest level of intimacy.

Just writing that last paragraph made the “feels” rise up in me. To be so in love and intimate with someone that knows everything about you and can read you’re every move is a feeling that makes a person entirely alive. I long to know my wife in that way and for her to know me.  Obviously, that would be perfection and although it may be attainable, most people never reach it. What if you could get a glimpse of it? What if you could feel that way even minimally on a regular basis?

This understanding of sex only comes from the knowledge of God’s intended uses for sex. Yes, sex is accompanied by intense pleasure in the moment and if you are not careful, or just desire to decrease your finances some (ie, this is a joke), a few offspring might be in your future. I believe though sex was intended to be much more. I believe it was intended to help to improve the marriage relationship and mirror some aspect of how amazing God is.

So, why do I offer sex therapy in my practice? I offer sex therapy because sex is central to a deep, loving and intimate marriage that empowers the individuals involved to help grow and evolve into more complete people. Research demonstrates that stronger families create stronger individuals and stronger communities. Stronger families improve quality of life and education for children. Stronger families decrease the number of incarcerations and crimes. Stronger families keep people safer.

Sex is only a part of the marriage relationship, but it is essential and powerful in strengthening the central most important part (ie, the married couple) of the family. Thus, if you are having sexual difficulties in your marriage, please talk to a professional who will keep your information confidential so you at least know the options available to you.