You may not believe it, but I have struggled with many things in life that most people would not see as loving, kind or upright. I have always wanted to be better than I am. When you struggle with thoughts of not being good enough, you wonder how you could ever have anyone accept you.

These thoughts about myself are the beginning of my understanding of marriage being more about holiness than happiness. You don’t understand where I am going with this, because it does not make since yet. Just wait. Read on and let’s explore this.

None are perfect. As the Bible says, “There is no one righteous, no not one” (Romans 3:10). So, how can marriage be created for holiness, not happiness? Maybe we don’t understand what holiness is…

What is holiness? The definitions of holy are:

1. Exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness
2. Divine
3. Devoted entirely to the deity or the work of the deity

The word translated “holiness” in the New Testament means to be “set apart.” So, how can we be exalted, divine, perfect, and/or set apart, yet still sinful and making mistakes as I have confessed from my own life?

The only way we become holy is through salvation by faith through Jesus Christ’s death on the cross.

So, how is marriage created to make a person holy?

I would say that marriage is more about teaching us and reminding us how much we need salvation and a savior. It seems that everyday we run into a battle to be unselfish and loving, even though our desire to get what we want.

Happiness is to be satisfied and to receive what we desire. Holiness is to be set apart by God because we have given into him and put him and His will above our own.

Perfection comes when we learn and grow towards perfect love and unselfishness that sacrifices personal desires for another’s well-being.

When people want a perfect marriage, what are looking for? A perfect loving and connected relationship. Do you not agree? That’s what I want.

What did we say perfection is? Perfect love and unselfishness that sacrifices personal desires for another’s well-being. Now replace another with the word spouse.

What if we said happiness is the goal of marriage? We would then say from what we saw above that marriage would be about getting my desires for my benefit through other’s sacrifice and giving me what I want.

Those sound radically different. Which one sounds better? Does one sound more like God?

I chose God’s way in my marriage. Love! The Bible says, “God is love.” (1 John 4:8) Can you believe that? If God is love, then a perfect marriage would resemble his nature. He is perfect, and He is love. What makes us think that his creation has any different goal?

With this information, I challenge you to change your focus in your marriage, from being happy, to growing in holiness. Set yourself apart by doing God’s will and God’s way. Guess what, I can guarantee that if you did it God’s way, you would obtain happiness in the end. Because you would obtain exactly what you are looking for: love, connection, and acceptance.

The Bible says, “Be ye Holy, as I am Holy.” (1 Peter 1:16) If that is His command to us, which it surely reads like a command, then wouldn’t it make since that would be His goal for our marriage? Or at least one of His goals? He wants us to learn to be Holy. Marriage is an amazing way to learn to be Holy because it forces you to sacrifice and give up some, if not all, of what’s yours.

Think about it! Pray about it! Use this understanding to empower and improve your relationship with your spouse!

I write these post to be thought provoking. Take this content and go explore, research and learn for yourselves what God’s purposes and plans are. If I am wrong in an area, I will gladly accept it. Thank you for sticking with me this long.

Blessings to you and come back for the next post in this series as I continue to explore God’s purposes for marriage.

I hope that this has been helpful.  I hope I have given you information that you can go back to when you need it. If you have any further questions or need help, please call me and set up an appointment or check out some of my other BLOG POSTS.

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