Marriage and Intimacy Insights Blog

As a marriage and family therapist, I hear about trauma all the time. I have studied mental health all of my career. A common occurrence in therapy is when a couple comes in struggling with communication and conflict. They tell their stories about how they interact. It is at that point that they reveal their trauma. Many of these couples wonder why they can't resolve their issues.

After much thought, research, and work with couples over the years, I believe an apology is important, but must be done in the right way. When you apologize to your husband or wife, it is important to be genuine and direct, to validate their feelings of hurt and fear, to understand their needs, and to state a plan of how you will work not to hurt your partner in the future. These 5 different aspects to apologizing will help your husband or wife to know that you are sorry for your actions, you care about their feelings, and you desire to make sure you change, not only, how you act, but how you are going to make it right.