Husband looking like he is thinking while working with the title: Does My Husband Always Think About Sex?

Does My Husband Always Think About Sex?

Wives, have you ever felt like your husband only wants to engage with you to get you in the bedroom? He grabs and gropes you all the time, but gentle, non-sexual touch is rare or even absent? You’re not alone. Many women come to me saying they feel this way. It’s frustrating because you feel more like a piece of meat than a person with more to offer. You might be even thinking that since I am a man, I couldn’t possibly understand.

These feelings usually lead spouses to ask if their husband only thinks about sex. Now, this may seem obvious, but men think about a lot of things other than sex. However, when they are at home with their beautiful wife, it may be hard for them to not think about seeing more of you than you may want at the time. Men don’t always think about sex, but the majority of them are hardwired to enjoy the beauty and physical connection with their wives. Wives, let’s dive into why men think about physical intimacy so much and what you could do to get your needs met too.

Do Husbands Always Think About Sex?

The easy and most sensical answer is, “NO!” Husbands are human and have all sorts of thoughts. Some you probably would rather not know about. Others, you women, wish deeply they would share. However, men range from being very open, talkative, and vulnerable to closed, quiet, and distant. It’s a whole continuum. Many men can be very talkative yet not open and vulnerable. Just because they don’t talk about other things does not mean that they don’t have other thoughts and feelings.

In this case, actions can seem like they speak louder than words, and they do! However, the actions you see may not mean what you think they mean. Men and women are very different in how they think, feel, and perceive things. Men may be groping and grabbing and pushing towards physical intimacy, but there is so much more going on. Men tend to be playful and fun. They seek connection through games, work, and doing things together. Their actions towards physical intimacy may be an advance to tell you they need connection.

When they are not around you, husbands can think about many things. They think and talk about sports, politics, work, hobbies, and more. If unmarried or unmarried this could include sex and women, depending on a man’s integrity and maturity. Sorry guys. I am not ragging on you, but it’s the truth. This does not mean they want another woman, but they are not mature enough to kill the impulses of the flesh and be monogamous in their relationship and their thought life. Unfortunately, it would be hard to cover all the nuances that are going on here.

Should I be worried if my husband is pushing for sex all the time?

Again, men are hardwired to see beauty, to protect, to conquer, and to create. It would be arrogant of anyone to tell God that men should be different than how he created them. However, God expects holiness and love. So the answer to this question depends on your situation. Is he only seeking pleasure and not showing love? How do maturity, stress, boredom, self-esteem, and the current nature of your intimate time factor in?

I would not be worried if your husband is showing love and maturity. He may just really enjoy time with you. It would be important to talk to him about what you both enjoy and want out of your sexual relationship. Don’t discount your needs too. If he is willing to shift some to accommodate your need for emotional connection and respectful physical touch, then you have a great husband!

However, if something is driving the intensity of his advances, you may want to ask him about it. If he won’t talk about it, see if you can get couples counseling. I still encourage firm boundaries as well as respect going both ways. He has needs. However, he does not NEED sex as often as you think. He may want it because it feels good, but we all love good feelings and would gladly keep hitting the feed button if we didn’t get full. There is the concept of having too much of a good thing. Find out what might be making him so pushy about sex. Listen and be supportive where you can.

Healthy boundaries when it comes to intimacy in marriage.

You deserve to be respected. Your body is not an object. God made you a human and your husband should recognize that. Set some boundaries and demand to be treated with respect. Don’t be mean, but there is a place and time for specific types of touch and affection. Request that he respects you in this way. However, don’t neglect him. Remember that love is an action and requires support and sacrifice. Can you create more space and time for intimacy of all types if he is willing to give you more of what you need?

When your husband seems pushy about sex, let him know you recognize his desire. Then depending on how you feel, give him options. Tell him that you still love him and desire him, but now may not be a good time. Give him a rain check so you aren’t just blowing him off. He needs to know where he stands with you. You must communicate in a loving, kind, but direct manner.

Conclusion

Your husband was created perfectly how God intended. Intimacy and longing for you are natural. Sex reassures him that you are still into him. He needs reassurance. However, you are not him. It’s okay to be direct with your needs and boundaries. Communicate. Then over-communicate! Yet, in that time, be kind and gentle. You need to feel heard, understood, and cherished. You won’t get that if you are harsh and critical. Enjoy the fact that your husband takes delight in you!

Blessings to you! I hope this has been helpful.  If you have questions or need help, please call me (For Coaching: 706-955-0230, For Counseling: 706-916-6740) and set up an appointment or check out some of my other BLOG POSTS.

Brandon Coussens, LMFT

Brandon Coussens, LMFT

Author:

Brandon Coussens is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Legacy Marriage Resources, LLC based in Augusta, Georgia. He specializes in marriage counseling and sex therapy. You can schedule a counseling appointment with him through Legacy Marriage Resources. He also offers Christian Coaching, Marriage Coaching, Financial Coaching, and Life Coaching to those who live outside the state of Georgia. To learn more about him, go to his Bio page.