Faith, Gratitude, and Mental Health: A Thanksgiving Reflection for Couples

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I. Introduction: Why Thanksgiving Hits Differently for Couples

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite times of the year. I love the food, the festivities, the smell of something cooking in the oven, and the feeling of people coming together. I love the “idea” of slowing down and remembering what matters most.

But I also know this is not everyone’s experience.
Some of you dread the holidays.
Some of you feel the weight of grief, painful memories, unresolved family tension, or years where Thanksgiving didn’t go the way you hoped it would. Some of you see this season on the calendar and immediately feel your stomach drop. If that’s you, I’m truly sorry. I hurt with you.

My desire in writing this is simple:
to give you hope, to offer comfort, and to help you see this season through a new lens, one filled with faith, gratitude, and emotional grounding.

Even in my own life, Thanksgiving has shifted depending on the season. Some years feel joyful and easy. Other years feel heavy, stressful, or just…off. This year I’m fighting a seasonal cold and hoping I feel well enough to enjoy Thanksgiving Day at all! Every year comes with different highs and lows.

And that’s the point.
Thanksgiving isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about slowing down, reconnecting, and allowing gratitude to bring perspective into whatever season you’re in, whether joyful or hard.

Gratitude is powerful. It reframes how we see our marriage, our family, and our purpose. Gratefulness reconnects us emotionally and spiritually. It reminds us that God is still present, even in our pain.

Together, let’s explore how faith, gratitude, and mental health come together in this season, and how this combination can bring healing and connection to your marriage.

II. The Spiritual Roots of Gratitude in Christian Marriage

As I think back over this year, I can clearly see the highs and lows, not only in my own life, but in the lives of the many people I’ve sat with in counseling. I’ve listened to stories of betrayal, confusion, loss, and stress. I’ve also witnessed beautiful moments of reconciliation, breakthroughs, answered prayers, and marriages finding renewed connection.

And in both the painful stories and the joyful ones, gratitude has a place.

What Scripture Teaches About Thankfulness

Let’s pause and look at what God says about gratitude, especially during times like these.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
— 1 Thessalonians 5:18

“All circumstances” is a tall order. It almost feels impossible until you read those last words — in Christ Jesus.
We don’t give thanks because life feels easy. We give thanks because Christ is in it with us.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts… and be thankful.”
— Colossians 3:15

Peace and gratitude live together.
God commands thankfulness not because He wants to burden us, but because gratitude opens the door to peace, connection, and emotional healing.

“Enter His gates with thanksgiving…”
— Psalm 100:4

Thanksgiving is how we enter into God’s presence. Gratitude isn’t just an emotion. It’s an act of worship.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.”
— Psalm 136:1

No matter our circumstances, God’s character remains steady:
He is good.
He is loving.
He is faithful.
And gratitude brings these truths back into focus when life makes them hard to see.

How Gratitude Honors God AND Strengthens Marriage

Now, let’s bring this into your marriage.

Your marriage may be great right now, or it may feel like it’s barely holding together. Either way, there is always something to be grateful for.

Maybe it’s:

  • that you’re not alone

  • that you have someone who’s trying

  • that you have someone who shares life with you

  • that you have someone willing to grow with you

  • that God hasn’t given up on your story

Gratitude doesn’t ignore your pain. It shines light on blessings you may have stopped noticing.

And in marriage, gratitude:

  • creates emotional safety

  • builds compassion

  • softens defensive walls

  • increases connection

  • reminds your spouse they are seen and appreciated

Gratitude is not small.
It’s a form of love.
It honors the other person.
It strengthens the bond between you.
It’s one of the simplest but most powerful tools for healing and building connection.

III. The Psychology of Gratitude: Why It’s Good for Mental Health

Gratitude isn’t only spiritual.  It’s deeply psychological.

Research shows that practicing gratitude consistently can:

  • reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression

  • improve mood

  • regulate emotions

  • increase resilience

  • strengthen relationships

  • even improve physical health

This is why gratitude is used in therapy, positive psychology, and wellness practices.
It has measurable, replicable results.

And you can try it yourself.

A Simple Experiment

  1. Write down how you feel emotionally right now.

  2. Then create gratitude lists in different areas of your life:

    • marriage

    • family

    • work

    • health

    • faith

    • finances

    • friendships

  3. Reread your list throughout the day.

  4. At night, write down how you feel again.

Most people notice a shift, sometimes subtle, sometimes significant.

Because gratitude grounds us.
It reframes the story our brain is telling.
It brings hope where hopelessness has been creeping in.
It moves us toward emotional stability.

Why Gratitude Matters Even More During the Holidays

Let’s be honest: holidays are complicated.

They carry:

  • memories of people we miss

  • reminders of old conflicts

  • stressful family dynamics

  • financial pressure

  • sickness or exhaustion

  • disappointment from unmet expectations

  • anxiety that things won’t go smoothly

The problem often isn’t the holiday itself. It’s our expectations.

We want the picture-perfect Thanksgiving we see in movies or on social media.
But when reality doesn’t match the expectation, it can hit hard emotionally.

This is why gratitude matters so much during this season.

Gratitude:

  • pulls our focus away from the “shoulds”

  • helps us settle into the “what is”

  • reminds us of what’s meaningful

  • stabilizes our emotions

  • softens our reactions

  • helps us notice God’s presence in the ordinary

Gratitude doesn’t solve everything, but it brings balance to the stress and helps reorient our hearts toward what matters.

IV. Gratitude as a Couple: Turning Faith Into Practice

Let’s get practical.
Gratitude becomes powerful when you act on it, especially together as a couple.

Here are some practices that can strengthen your marriage this Thanksgiving season.

A. Daily Gratitude Rituals for Couples

1. The “3 Blessings” Bedtime Prayer

Sit together at night and share three blessings from the day.
Then pray together and thank God for them and for each other.

Slow down. Don’t rush it.
Let the weight of those blessings sink in.

2. A Shared Weekly Gratitude Journal

Each day, write 2–3 things you’re grateful for.
At the end of the week, read them together.

Affirm what matters to your spouse.
Validate how those blessings impact your relationship.

This builds emotional intimacy.

3. Thanking God Out Loud for Your Spouse

When you pray together, say one specific thing you see in your spouse that you’re thankful for.

This may feel awkward, but it is deeply meaningful.
Hearing your partner thank God for something about you touches the heart in a powerful way.

4. A Thanksgiving Week Devotional

Read a short devotional or Scripture on gratitude each day leading up to Thanksgiving.
Reflect. Connect.
Discuss how God is shaping your hearts through it.

B. The Power of Spoken Gratitude

We all think grateful thoughts.
But unspoken gratitude doesn’t help the person we love.

Spoken gratitude:

  • reduces tension

  • softens anger

  • increases closeness

  • builds safety

  • reassures your spouse that you see the good in them

If you tend to forget to share these thoughts, write them down.
Set a reminder.
Make a note on your phone.

Your spouse needs your voice.

C. Gratitude in Difficult Seasons

Some seasons are heavy.
Gratitude may feel forced.
And that’s okay.

You can be honest about the pain and still choose gratitude.

Gratitude is not about pretending life is great. It’s about recognizing what is still meaningful in the midst of the hard season.

Just like:

  • exercising

  • eating healthy

  • sleeping well

  • going to work

  • connecting with others

Gratitude is a discipline that benefits you whether you “feel like it” or not.

It takes faith to practice gratitude in hard times.
But it strengthens you emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

V. Navigating Thanksgiving Stress as a Team

As you prepare for the holiday, let me offer you some guidance to help you stay connected as a couple.

A. Set Shared Expectations

You both have expectations for the holiday, even if you haven’t voiced them.

Talk about:

  • what each of you hopes will happen

  • what you’re concerned about

  • past hurts or triggers

  • family dynamics

  • what boundaries you need

  • what you’re looking forward to

  • where you need support

Start these conversations with gratitude:

“I’m grateful we get to do this together.”

It sets the tone.

B. Practice “Thankful Boundaries”

These are boundaries built on love, not avoidance.

Examples:

  • “Let’s leave around 6:30 so we don’t get overwhelmed.”

  • “Can we protect our morning so we’re not rushed?”

  • “Let’s agree on a signal if one of us needs a break.”

  • “Let’s simplify this year so we can enjoy it.”

Boundaries honor what’s important to both of you.

C. Support Each Other Emotionally

One of you may struggle more than the other.
That’s normal.

Stay close to each other:

  • offer empathy

  • pray together

  • use touch

  • encourage one another

  • remind each other you’re a team

Gratitude deepens when couples support each other through stress, not just in calm seasons.

VI. A Thanksgiving Reflection Exercise for Couples

This is the part I recommend you actually do together, either the morning of Thanksgiving or at some point during the day.

Find a quiet spot.
Sit together.
Put your phones away.
Invite God into the moment.

Take 10–15 minutes.
Let this be a grounding, connecting experience.

Step 1: Pray Together

“God, thank You for the gift of this relationship. Help us see the blessings You’ve given us this year. Help us notice the ways You’ve carried us through. Give us open, honest, grateful, and connected hearts as we reflect together. Amen.”

Step 2: Reflect on God’s Faithfulness

Each partner answers:

  • Where did you see God at work in your personal life this year?

  • Where did you see God at work in our marriage?

Let honesty lead.
There’s no right or wrong answer.

Step 3: Share What You’re Grateful For in Each Other

Each partner shares three specific things you appreciate about the other.

This is where connection grows.

Step 4: Talk About a Challenge You Overcame Together

Reflect on:

  • what the challenge was

  • how you handled it

  • where you grew

  • where you saw God’s guidance

This helps normalize hard seasons and celebrates resilience.

Step 5: Identify a Blessing You Want to Steward Well

Ask:

  • What blessing has God given us that we want to steward better next year?

Consider:

  • time

  • finances

  • marriage

  • spiritual growth

  • emotional health

  • parenting

  • community

Choose one shared goal to pray over in the coming year.

Step 6: Close in Prayer

“Lord, thank You for the story You’re writing in our marriage. Strengthen us where we’re weak. Guide us where we need wisdom. Help us grow in gratitude, unity, and emotional closeness. Make this next year one of deeper connection with You and with each other. Amen.”

VII. Closing: A Season to Reset, Reconnect, and Remember God’s Faithfulness

You are not alone this season.
God is with you.
He sees you.
He loves you.
He is faithful even in the hardest moments.

My prayer is that gratitude will help settle your heart, strengthen your marriage, and remind you of God’s goodness in your life.

Whether this season feels joyful or heavy, take small steps.
Connect with your spouse.
Invite God into the process.
Practice gratitude — even in tiny ways.

And if you need support during the holidays or want help reconnecting in your marriage, we’re here for you.

Legacy Marriage Resources offers in-person counseling in Augusta, GA, and online telehealth counseling.
If you’d like to talk, schedule an appointment. We’d be honored to walk with you.

God bless you this Thanksgiving.

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Be Playful to Help Improve Your Marriage While in Quarantine

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Throughout my son’s childhood, I have admired his ability to play with just about anything he can put his hands on. My house usually looks like the path after a tornado by the end of the day. It gets frustrating to clean it all up and can be sense of contention between my wife and I as well as our children. However, I have noticed that when we are helping him pick it up, that his creativity in his play is mind boggling. He doesn’t just play with one set of toys or stay in one spot (hence the tornado). He has a unique ability to gather different objects and play with them together. It sometimes seems to have no rhyme or reason. He tends to have a knack for spontaneity by just picking up a toy where ever he is at, at any given time, and just go with it. I wish I still had that ability.

Somewhere along the way, we adults lose this ability. We lose the ability to be creative and the ability to just enjoy being spontaneous. We lose the ability to be flexible and go with the flow. And, not only that, we lose the ability to be playful.

Play involves all of those things: spontaneity, creativity, flexibility, and fun! The definition of play is engaging in an activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose. Being serious squelches fun and sometimes creativity. Have you ever been so focused on one thing, that you miss something important? Being serious also keeps us from being flexible at times. I know this first hand. When it’s bed time, IT’S BED TIME! My wife probably thinks I have a stick up my YOU KNOW WHAT every night about 8:00 PM. IT’S BED TIME! I am rarely flexible on this issue, and I become serious and goal oriented about this same time every night. I don’t know if this is my anxiety or fear about what may happen if they don’t get in bed on time, but that is another topic for another day and should be explored. Staying on topic, play rarely has a set goal if it is fun. Sometimes even playing sports can be so goal oriented that it loses it’s fun. PLAY IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!

Many couples lose their ability to play and have fun. When they were dating, they were flirty and playful… spontaneous, surprising, flexible and creative, BUT not long after they tied the knot, their life became mundane and monotonous…stressful, tense and goal oriented.

Relationships thrive off of playfulness!

Think about when you had your best times. Were you playful? Were you spontaneous? My guess is the answer is “YES!” The times we have the most fun with our partner is when we are playful. Being playful helps others to relax and enjoy the moment. Having fun creates memories that have a lasting affect on us and help couples to build deeper connections and help to grow the relationship. When we are playful, we tend to seize the moment. When we are playful, we don’t take life for granted. Being playful with your spouse is about loving and enjoying life despite the stressors around you. It’s about controlling what you actually CAN control. You CAN CONTROL how much fun you  have and create with each other, even in time of stress and discomfort.

I encourage you to use this time to play with one another. Be creative as we talked about in a previous blog post. Don’t let the worries of this world keep you from enjoying each day with one another. Lighten up! Be spontaneous, flexible and open to the possibilities around you. Play as my son plays! As you walk through your life, STOP and NOTICE the things around you. Be curious. Be that tornado that leaves a path of meaning behind you as you enjoy each moment with your spouse!

If you are having trouble find ways to play or enjoying time with your spouse, please let me know. Email Me or Call Me at 706-955-0230. Set up a free 15 minute consultation! Or go back and check out the rest of this blog series.

Next Post In Series – Practice listening and understanding

 

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Thankful for Thanksgiving

How redundant is the title of this blog post? Yet, every year around this time I get a magical feeling bringing me back to my childhood home and the memories that flood back to me when I remember the years that have gone by. I am truly thankful for Thanksgiving. It reminds me to be thankful. It reminds me how blessed I am. It reminds me that no matter what happens, I have lived a wonderful life, even at the age of 32. I am so young, but have been blessed with so many wonderful memories and significant moments in my life. Stop…Just for a minute, let your memories flood in. Some of them are painful. Some of them are awesome!

I am truly thankful! I started thinking about his concept last night. The title just flashed before my eyes, “Thankful for thankfulness.” That was the original title I thought of, but the more I pondered Thanksgiving and gratitude, I changed the title. However, I think it is important for people to be thankful for the ability to be thankful. It means that we have something to be thankful for. We have been blessed.

It’s funny how this topic has emerged for me. This past year I have started implanting a coping skill with some of my clients were I asked them to write 5 things they are thankful for each day. I started implementing this activity months ago.  There is much research on the benefits of gratitude. Harvard produced an article describing the research done by Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami and ways to cultivate gratitude.

My pastor on Sunday discussed being thankful. He could hardly preach about it at first and described his thoughts about preaching a Thanksgiving sermon as being a cliché. However, to the amazement of our church. The more he delved into his sermon, the more enthusiastic he became and the more his infectious attitude drew us in and opened us to an overall attitude of gratitude.

I too believe writing a blog about gratitude during the week of Thanksgiving seems to be a cliché, but I keep reminding myself that this is life. Life has so much meaning and the holidays we celebrate are to continually remind us of the blessings and what to be thankful for. Thus, the memories bring the feels. I am listening to Christmas music as I write this post. My stomach has butterflies. My emotions are soaring. I can’t help it! It’s a magical time. The question can be considered, if we did not have Thanksgiving, would we remember to be thankful? If we did not have this time of year, what would our nation be like?

And so, I implore you, remember the good times. Be blessed. Love your family and your neighbors. Spread the Christmas spirit. Talk about the important things in life. Let Jesus live through you this holiday season. And finally, let us not only be thankful now, but be thankful always. When we find that everything seems out of our control, being thankful is one thing we can control.

Blessings to All!

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