No one wants to face betrayal by a spouse. It’s probably the most painful experience one can go through. As a marriage counselor, I have heard many stories of heartache and tragedy that result in the relationships of the couples who come to see me. Some are easily redeemable, but most feel hopeless when I first meet them. Big feelings and much confusion comprise those moments.
Wives, have you ever felt like your husband only wants to engage with you to get you in the bedroom? He grabs and gropes you all the time, but gentle, non-sexual touch is rare or even absent? You’re not alone.
Are you having concerns about how much your husband is making sexual advances towards you? Many couples have differing sex drives and different understandings of how much sex they should be having. Sometimes a wife can get overwhelmed and feel turned off by her husband when he is too pushy for sex. This is not abnormal. You are created differently and have different needs. Yet, when you feel he is being too sexually demanding, something might be off.
When you’re struggling in your marriage there can be many causes. I would know! Couples come to see me every day with all sorts of problems. That does not mean that all of those problems are the causes of their marital struggles. However, what I see often is a decrease in affection towards one another. Affection is so important in relationships, especially in committed ones like marriage. Spouses need affection to keep the relationship strong and healthy.
Let’s set the scene. You have been doing everything you can to seduce your husband and make him want you. However, he just never takes the bate. He seems uninterested. Sex has dwindled. He is disengaged and focused on other things. What is going on? Am I not good enough, pretty enough, or sexy enough? Why does he not want to ravage me?
When a wife doesn’t seem interested in sex or is avoiding it, what is going on? You are confused and frustrated. Isn’t sex a big part of marriage? These are questions I have helped people with. As a certified sex therapist, I believe you can revive your intimacy, but there are real reasons that your wife doesn’t want to be intimate with you.
Have you been stuck in unforgiveness? You may be asking, “Why should I forgive?” Or, maybe, you are 100% sure you shouldn’t forgive. Unforgiveness may seem right, especially if you don’t spend much time around someone who hurt you. What’s the point when you don’t even see them? On the other hand, can unforgiveness be a hindrance and hold you back? That’s why I ask, “Is it okay to not forgive someone?”
When a couple starts dating and enters a more serious relationship with each other, they automatically seem to trust each other. They don’t question each other’s motives. The couple gives each other the benefit of the doubt. Then one day something happens to disturb their tranquility. A negative event can strike anytime after a couple has started dating, when they are engaged, or even after they are married. Trust can quickly be lost. Whether small or large, the earthquake shakes their view of each other and leaves cracks in the foundation of the relationship.
In my practice, I see couples struggle to understand how to meet each other’s needs. I am speaking about the needs of men here, but I also want to think about how this applies to wives also. Husbands and wives both have needs. It is true that both struggle to express their needs and understand their partner’s needs.
To rebuild trust, you need to know what trust is. Without understanding what trust is and what it is not, you might find it hard to develop trust…
I was asked the other day about why someone’s relationship had gotten so far off the rails. My first thought came as a question: Did the relationship begin with dishonesty? As I pondered this more, I wondered if I could help people entering relationships to make sure that they stand a fighting chance.
Lying in your relationship does not usually cause PTSD because PTSD is triggered by more severe events than trauma. You can be traumatized by a host of things, but PTSD has very severe symptoms brought on usually by a dangerous or deadly event.
It’s one thing to understand how to forgive when someone lies to you or apologize for being dishonest. You are entering a whole new ball game when you are trying to “get over” the lying all together. You may want it to just go away, but that’s not necessarily going to happen. Stopping the act of lying and/or putting away the hurt and symptoms of being lied to may take time.
Have you ever wondered what Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD is? Of course, you have! That’s why you are here. I realize as a therapist that this disorder is becoming more common due to COVID-19 and many other traumatizing events that are making our world more unpredictable. What are we supposed to do with all these negative things?
As a marriage and family therapist, I hear about trauma all the time. I have studied mental health all of my career. A common occurrence in therapy is when a couple comes in struggling with communication and conflict. They tell their stories about how they interact. It is at that point that they reveal their trauma. Many of these couples wonder why they can’t resolve their issues.
